Leaving a sexless relationship (tactfully)
I examine the search terms people have used to find my wordpress fairly often, and I noticed that in the past week, “leaving a sexless relationship with an asexual” was one of them.
If sex is something you need in order to feel right in a relationship with someone, a relationship with an asexual person who is not willing to have sex is not for you. Sexual incompatibility of this kind is not something that can be overcome. So this is a post about how to (tactfully) leave a sexless relationship with an asexual person if you’ve judged that a sexless relationship can’t make you happy.
The most important thing to do is to emphasize that nothing is the asexual person’s fault. Apologize for not previously communicating to the person that sex is something you need in a relationship in order to feel right, while reassuring your partner that you care for them. Emphasize that the relationship cannot simultaneously make both of you happy due to your incompatibility, and apologize for not previously being aware of this fact. Do not assign any blame at any point in the process: it is neither person’s fault if you’re incompatible.
No one enjoys a breakup, but you can reassure the person that you care about them by emphasizing that you want them to be happy in a relationship, which is impossible if they remain in a relationship with you, because it would hurt you to know they are unhappy. Apologize for any pressuring of the person that you have done in the past, and for the length of time it took you to come to the realization that a sexless relationship can’t make you happy.
You’re not automatically a bad person if a sexless romantic relationship isn’t for you. If you have needs that it is impossible for your partner to meet without being made unhappy, you are incompatible and it’s no one’s fault.