Scattered thoughts about diversity of romantic orientation among asexuals

This post is somewhat disorganized for the reason that I’m in the process of moving.

It is very common for people outside of asexual communities to generalize asexual-spectrum communities on the internet as containing mostly heteroromantic women.

During the most recent Asexy Census, it was found that bi- and panromantics were as common as heteroromantics, and that heteroromantics were a minority among ace survey respondents. There was no clear majority romantic orientation: the largest groups (heteroromantics and bi/panromantics) represented comprised only 22% each. 29% of respondents said “other” for romantic orientation as well.

Of all the other asexual-spectrum people I have met in person, very few of them have been heteroromantic. I believe only one asexual person I know, out of all of them (quite a lot), actually is a heteroromantic asexual cis woman—and she is not a member of any internet asexual forum or meetup group, either.

I don’t have evidence beyond anecdotes for this, but I think part of the reason that asexual communities are so diverse is that many heteroromantic cis asexuals don’t feel as strong a desire to network with other asexual people. I have made several failed attempts to persuade my two cis heteroromantic asexual friends to come with me to asexual meetups. The asexual meetups I’ve attended, whether organized through AVEN or not, seem to attract mostly non-hetero aces. And I think that it’s very good that queer aces can find other queer aces like this, easily, at meetups in Boston and New York. (It’s how I met my lovely platonic partner last September.)

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Talia C. Johnson

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